Yesterday, I heard a great joke on the radio that is so true, it was funny. Jerry Seinfeld was discussing how women will never understand men and men will never understand women. Case in point: men will never understand how a woman can take scalding hot wax and put it on their flesh and then rip hair out by the roots and still be afraid of spiders. Well, let me tell you how, as I experienced my own encounter with one of these little cridders just this morning. Things were going great - I got out of bed on time, I was having a good hair day, and I had just picked out a really cute outfit for the day. Then I went in my closet to retreive the said outfit and right on the wall was a huge brown spider just staring at me. CREEPY!!! My heart rate immediately increased and I froze. It was like we were caught in a stare down and whoever moved first lost. I started to weigh my options of how to take care of this quite unwelcome guest. He was near the numerous pairs of shoes I own, and I could easily grab one and smack him with it. However, that would involve me getting close to the spider and getting spider guts on my shoe (not okay). Acquiring a kleenex would require me to leave the closet and lose sight of him, not to mention the whole getting close enough to squish him in the kleenex. Catching him and letting him go outside was only an open invitation to once again play this stare down game. The last option was to run as fast as I could to the laundry room to acquire my bug/spider spray hoping that he did not move. This option would also allow me to stay a safe distance away from the spider, thereby diminishing any chance of him being able to jump on me. I of course, picked option #4. So, I bolted down the hall and back (in my underwear nonetheless) and to my amazement, the spider did not move an inch. Considering the fact that he might already be dead, I blew in his general direction. Why we feel the need to do this is beyond me because if he is alive, the rush of air causes him to scurry away as fast as his eight legs can take him. Nevertheless, blow I did and you guessed it, he was indeed still alive. Luckily I had my trusty spray at my side, so I started spraying like crazy (another advantage to the spray is that you can easy follow him while he tries to escape). I was careful not to spray any of my beloved shoes or pieces of clothing. It was only a short time before the spider circumed to the poison - at least I thought. I turned my back to put the spray down and when I turned back, he was gone. Luckily, he only went a short distance, so I sprayed him some more and at last, the game was over. While I had defeated the creature and won the stare down, every moment was terrifying and my heart was racing the entire time. You would have thought I was being chased by a serial killer. I get so scared, that I regularly spray my apartment so as to avoid this type of encounter. Usually, I only find dead spiders thanks to the spray, but clearly it is time to spray again. So, back to Jerry Seinfeld profound wondering about women, waxing, and spiders. I have shared a story about a spider, now a story about waxing (you may want to stop here if you are get queasy easily). One day, I decided to wax away some unwanted hair using some microwaveable wax. I had done this numerous times before just perfectly, so why should this time be any different? Well apparently, I had upset both the wax and the microwave, so they conspired against me. Upon taking the wax out of the microwave, I poked it (as directed) to see if it had become pliable wax yet. It was then in this innocent and unsuspecting moment, it attacked me. There was still a firm layer of wax on the surface, but underneath the layer was pure boiling hot liquid wax. As I poked it, the spatula perforated the firm layer and the liquid came squirting out all down my hand and arm. Wanting to get the burning hot wax off my skin as quickly as possible, I ran to the bathroom searching for a solution. Nothing would take it off and it was rapidly cooling. Eventually, it all cooled and I was left to peel it off along with the first few layers of my skin. Pulling hair off with wax smirks, but only for a short moment, while (as I can attest to) pulling skin off with wax, is not so forgiving. It was painful, but it had to be done. This left me with not only second degree burns, but open wounds where my skin once was. This resulted in weeks of washing, wrapping, and even a few hydrogin peroxide treatments (not fun, but I avoided an infection). It eventually healed, but I am still left with the memories and a faint scar on my hand in the shape of a horse - no joke. Cowboy up cupcake!!! So, do I understand how a woman can wax (or in my case, pull of her own skin) and still be afraid of spiders, not in the slightest. But, do I prove this anomaly to be true - you betcha!!! Because afterall, I am woman hear me roar!!!